Bummer

The woman who conditionally bought my place backed out of the deal, so it's back on the market. It's only been back on the market for 2 days but haven't had anyone come through yet so I'm starting to get really nervous. My stress level just went through the roof again. Here's the listing.

Uber-Ouch!

I feel like I've just been bent over by the government. I just filed my income tax and I owe a whopping $12,500!!! To be fair, it's because I did very well on my stock options last year, but still!!!

What The Hell???

Why is it that now that I'm happy being single and not wanting a boyfriend I am having to chase men away? Perhaps it is that the air of desperation is gone. Or maybe men can sense when a woman doesn't want commitment and she automatically becomes a thousand times more attractive. Either way, it's annoying!

Back in the Saddle

Shortly after posting "Who Needs a Man" I am posting about dating. I'm a complicated woman who tends to make contradicting choices. I am still terribly sad about Pete, I miss him more and more every day. But I am also lonely. So when opportunity arises I have a hard time making the decision that would be best for my mental state. I had my first date since the breakup last night, and it was nice. I can't tell if the fact that I felt nothing was from a general lack of chemistry or from the fact that I'm going to compare everyone to Pete for a while. Either way, it's probably a sign that I should stay away from dating for a while. But I have a hard time saying no when I nice boy shows interest. I have determined I may possibly be the most insecure person in the world, and having someone think I'm special enough to want to date is like a drug for me. Do you think there's rehab for that kind of shit?

Day One

I started working at Pengrowth today. I don't really have any work to do yet so it was a really boring and long day. I wasn't feeling motivated at all so I'm a little worried about how things are going to go, but it was only day one so we'll see. Fingers Crossed!

I Am So Bored... B - O - R-D

There isn't enough work for me to do at my job, so I sit here waiting for someone to bring me stuff to do. One can only amuse oneself for so long on the internet. I can't goof off too much because I'm in a cubical and everyone can hear me and see my computer screen. This post will have kept me busy for about 5 minutes or so, but then I'm back to boredom! Argh!

I Can Relate

I saw this article on MSN this morning and it rang a bell. Half a million Canadians suffer from depression and 8 out of 10 of those say that the depression interfered with their ability to work. Go figure!

Buh-Bye 27!

No matter how much I don't like getting older, I say good-fuckin'-riddance to 27! I met Jon on the day after my birthday last year and I think it's safe to say that that marked the beginning of what I'd like to call the "Year of Shit."

Some of the terrible things that made 27 my worst year ever:

• Jon dumping me out of the blue;
• Jon dumping me out of the blue again;
• going on anti-depressants;
• finding out Jon was engaged to be married one month after dumping me, sliding ever deeper into depression;
• breaking up with Dave;
• going back to work after my leave of absence/Cruise America trip to realise I was more depressed than I thought;
• quitting my job;
• realising my anti-depressants weren't working;
• being unemployed;
• starting to go into debt;
• working as a Temp; and,
• not being able to afford to ski very much.

When I think about it, there were a lot positive things that happened while I was 27 (like meeting Pete, going on my trip, getting parts of my life figured out, realising I had the support of my friends, working at the winery), but the sum of the bad things far outweighs them for now. So, hasta la vista, 27!

So Very Sick

Again! I keep getting sick! I think this cold might have something to do with the amount of alcohol I consumed before exposing myself to the elements.

Probable sickness-inducing factors:

• Bare legs and strappy sandals on Friday night while drunkenly roaming the streets looking for a cab/bar still serving with Katie and her co-workers.
• Sitting in a hot tub drinking wine when it's -10 celsius.
• Not sleeping very well due to stressful new tenant in my spare room.

I Know I Know!!!

I suck! I don't know why I haven't been posting lately. It's not like I haven't had anything going on. I had a little dinner party last Wednesday that went really well. I wimped out and stayed home knitting on the couch rather than going to Brian's wine n' cheese party on Friday. Saturday was the annual Christmas party of my big and wonderful group of friends. I got extremely intoxicated, ate a lot, laughed a lot, cried a bit, passed out on the couch. Last night Dave came over and we watched "Blood Simple," the Coen brothers' first film. I took it easy tonight but have a big weekend ahead of me. Friday I will be Katie's date for her office Christmas party. Saturday is a pot luck/house warming at my friend Natalie's. Sunday is BBQ and hot tubbin' at Joey's house! Woohoo! In the meantime I still have plenty of Christmas shopping to do and some knitting to finish.

On the job front I have still been temping as a receptionist, but have a new job starting Friday that seems pretty promising. It is as a "professional assistant" at O'Connor Associates. It is still through the temp agency but it doesn't have an end date and it has the possibility of full-time. I've had full time offers already from other companies, but only as a receptionist At this place I'll most likely have the opportunity to move up... and who knows, possibly get work there as a geologist! Wouldn't that be nice!?!

Cut Me Some Slack

I haven't posted in a long time because I'm a slacker. I have pictures and even videos, but I haven't downloaded them from my camera yet. I have lots of stories to tell, movies and concerts to review, but I haven't had the energy to do it yet. I'm back at work and have lots of things to say about how I'm enjoying it, but I haven't felt like writing.

So, be patient, I'm sure I'll stop being a slacker soon. I think this may be the first sign of recovery.

Procrastination

I am quite possibly the worst procrastinator in the world! I just cleaned my house because I'm putting off writing the "Personal Statement" for my UC Davis application. I'm such a slacker! Just got to put my mind to it... easier said than done!

Ouch Baby, Very Ouch!

I just got a call from the Camera Store informing me that it will cost $261 + GST to fix my camera. They have to replace the whole lens assembly. I know that I should just get a new camera, but I don't have the extra cash to put into it. So, I am getting it fixed. Boo! The good news is that I will have it back in a couple of weeks.

Debbie Downer

I've been an ultra-huge downer of late. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't seem to function on even a minimal level. I manage to get myself fed and dressed, but that's about it. Otherwise I've been cleaning my house and watching TV. It's very very sad and it depresses me deeply. If this is how sad and low I feel while medicated, I can't imagine how bad it would be without the drugs. I hate that this crap has inflicted itself upon me, but I will defeat it's ass if it's the last thing I do!

The silver-lining/bi-product to this low, wheel-spinning state-of-mind is that I have made my house immaculate. I generally tend to be a messy person, and that is probably an understatement. I won't get into the details of my untidiness, but suffice it to say, I'm pretty frickin' disgusting for a girl. But, since I can't seem to get the energy to get out of my house lately, the result has been a state of cleanliness I have never experienced in the past. I am quite proud of the condition of my apartment and thought it was worth some commemorative photos. I have tried putting the panoramics on here for the first time... let me know if you think it looks crappy. I'm not sure if I should just link to them from my flickr page or post them on the site. Please leave a comment with your opinion.

A poorly-exposed picture of my happy little nook of the livingroom. I absolutely love the chair on the right, it is my most favoritist piece of furniture. It really ties the room together!

A poorly-explosed picture of my dining room. I love my high ceilings.
My bedroom. Yeah, that's right, I'm 27 and I still sleep with stuffed animals... you got a problem with that??? They're soft and comfy damnit!

My newly-refinished bathroom. I am very very happy with how the whole thing turned out.

A view of my living room.

A view of my kitchen, dining room and living room.

My bedroom.

I'm Appalled

Today I received my cell phone bill for the month of my trip. I knew that it would be expensive, but when I opened it I experienced a wave of nausea.

Kinda hard to see from this shot, let me zoom in on the important details for you...

Apparently roaming charges are nothing to laugh at. At over $1/minute, they killed me. In the end, I'm glad I had the contact with my friends and family, but, damn! That's some expensive love sharing. I will not be using my phone this weekend in Santa Barbara, I'll tell you that much!

Dear Anonymous in Dallas

I don't have much to add to what Tamara said in her comments. I have never wanted or asked anyone to come on this trip with me. From the moment I planned on taking a trip, way back in January, I had intended it to be solo (perhaps you could ask someone who would know that to be true). It was meant to be time for me to see some natural beauty, have some adventures, meet new people, and see what else is out there.

I have not found the experience to be sad in the least. Every time I check into a campground, or ask for a table at a restaurant and say "Just me!" I am extremely proud. Every person that I have come across along the way has said "Wow, it's so awesome that you're doing this alone. Good for you!" (Usually followed with "be safe.")

Doing this alone has helped me in so many ways. I have lost so much of the fear I used to have; from general fear of the dark, to fear of meeting new people. I have become so open and outgoing now, I meet new people every day and feel so much better for having met each of them. If I was traveling with someone else I never would have the need or desire to try to meet new people.

Another thing that I have learned is that I don't need someone in my life to make me happy. I think I have proven to myself that I can be quite self-sufficient and content on my own. That said, I "want" someone in my life to make me happy. That person will not be a crutch or an easy way to happiness, just a supplement.

I am not sure why you are spending so much time "lurking" on my site. It was looking quite obsessive for a while actually. And I'm also not sure if you are so enthusiastic about your lurking that you feel the need to do it from all over the greater Dallas area (Frisco, Plano, Dallas) or if there is a whole gang of "lurkers" down there. I don't care who is on here, but I think you should take a hard look at your reasons for doing it. If it is for entertainment, and you're genuinely interested in my adventures, have at it. If it is to make yourself feel better in some way, then I think that may be a problem. If it is to sit back and take pity on me for being alone, I'd rather you keep it to yourself.

I genuinely wish you well.

Kate

Oh Crap!

I just had an emergency massage to get rid of the crazy tension in my back and neck. My stomach is in knots. I am far too stressed about this damn trip! So, I've decided to delay departure even more. I will work on Monday and Tuesday morning and leave that afternoon. It bugs me that I've left myself with so much work to get done and I'm losing days off of my trip. But the point of the trip is to relax, and I won't be able to if I've left a bunch of work undone. Booooo-fucking-urns!

Oh God

Today is my last day of work for a month! One would think that would be exciting, but instead I'm freaking out. I've still got a ton of stuff to do, and I know it's not all going to get done. I don't know why I'm worried about it, I'm planning on quitting shortly after I get back, but my conscience is nagging at me for not doing a good job. Fucking conscience!

I have also pushed back the departure date for my trip. I was planning on leaving tomorrow morning, but I'm not even close to being ready, and I'd like to stick around for the first few days of Stampede. Now I think I'll leave on Sunday, probably try to make it as far as Idaho or possibly Washington on the first day. I can't believe it's almost time! I'm going to bring my laptop with me so hopefully I'll be able to post updates on here fairly often during the trip.

Slackers

Okay, I know you all have suggestions for a car name as a number of you have told me so. Don't be shy, nobody will judge you for your suggestions. I can't possibly make this decision on my own! If it helps, I think it's a girl.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy Day

And yet I stayed relatively sane. The big plan for the day was to get up early to take a trip down to Waterton. We had reservations to stay at a hotel in the park, then tomorrow we would go to the Frank Slide Interpretive Centre and Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump. But, alas, plans changed.

We got started pretty well, out of the house by about 8:30, which is very early for mom. We headed down Highway 22, the "Cowboy Trail" scenic route. We were 4 km south of Black Diamond when Omar started sputtering. I pulled over to the side of the road and he stalled. He refused to start again so I had to call a tow truck. We were hauled to OK Tire in Black Diamond, the mechanics determined that the fuel pump had died and ordered me a new one. Unfortunately, the pump had to come from Calgary so we had to wait until 3:00 pm for the part to arrive. Omar was ready to go by 4:30 and we were back on the road again... to Calgary. I would have lost my deposit (one night's stay) at the hotel but they were nice and just deferred my booking so I can use it again later in the summer.

Since most of the day was lost, we hit MEC on the way home to so I could stock up on some supplies for my trip. We pulled into the parking lot and Dad thought he smelled gas so he looked under Omar and, sure enough, the gas tank was leaking. So, fantastic... after spending $630 to fix the fuel pump I'll have to spend more on the tank. I'll find out tomorrow what the deal is. If it costs too much more, I think I might have to let him go. Perhaps losing Omar will be the final step in moving on with my life.

So I went in to MEC and bought a new stove (MSR Simmerlite) and some other stuff. I also bought a new tent (NorthFace Rock 22) at Coast Mountain Sports... I've got almost everything I need to go now! Just as we were about to leave CMS the heavens opened up and it rained like a bitch! Then hail. Then more hail. Then huge hail. It was the perfect crazy end to a crazy day.

Through all of this, my spirits remained remarkably high. The initial breakdown and tow actually made me laugh my ass off. I took a bunch of photos and wasn't really bothered at all. It was a little weird though, it was like seeing your child get hurt. I really do feel like Omar is a person. I was brought down to earth a little when they told me how much it was going to cost and how long it would take to fix it. I was still doing okay until I saw the gas tank leaking... then the swearing began. Now I'm feeling dejected and antsy, but at least I have a new tent and stove!

Omar, lame on the side of the highway.

On the hook.

Mid-tow.

Dad checking things out.

Hail on Omar's hood.